September 15th, 2006

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Sandman Takes a Holiday

Sleeping... I used to do that.

I woke up from only about three or four hours of sleep in the middle of the Monday/Tuesday night, and haven't been asleep since, about 80 hours later and counting. It's like I forgot how to do it. I lie there and think, "OK, now what am I supposed to do?" Whenever I'm sleep-deprived, my chest feels "heavy" and my pulse slows, so when I start to relax trying to go to sleep, I feel the slow pulse and snap back, like I'm subconciously afraid that relaxing will cause my heart to stop altogether. You ever have that feeling? Odd.

I've never been good at sleeping during nighttime hours. All my life, if left to my own, I'd typically go to sleep shortly after dawn and wake up in the afternoon. This was why my tardiness and attendance records at school always were so poor (as far back as 5th grade I can recall with clarity), and probably a contributing factor to me quitting high school altogether in the middle of my sophomore year (poor attendance in high school = bad grades even if you ace the tests = you go into "remedial" classes where you know more about the subjects than the teachers do = no reason to go). Attendance and tardiness at the computer stores where I worked, and at the dot-com, were bad too; they never fired me though because the work I did was so well above par -- departments actually would fight over me, and when the dot-com put my name on a list of random layoffs at the start of the crash, my supervisors told me to stay put and they went to the top of the company insisting that I be kept (and I was).

Even now that I'm living at my place of employment, I saunter into the office anywhere from 8 to 12 depending on how difficult it is for me to get out of bed. What little ability I have to sleep at night is affected largely by the climate, I think. We've had a sudden drop in temperature this week, and that may have done it. The air in my room is slightly cold, and I usually need it to be a little warm -- but not hot. I may have to start using my wintertime heater -- in September! September/October is supposed to be the hottest time of year out here!

So, I get really tired during the day when I'm at work (like now, though I write this instead for lack of concentration), and feel like maybe I COULD sleep then (last week, even, I did fall asleep when crouched down on my haunches to rest for a moment in the bathroom -- fell right over which woke me up), but by the time I'm off work in the evening, I feel fine, other than the occasional and brief bouts of nausea, headaches, cold flashes and chest "heaviness". Blarg it all.